Who Gives Us Hope
by Lady X on the radio
Summary: On their way to the sub, Sun stops to give Claire a fragment of the past. C/C


Claire's P.O.V

"Claire?" I look up startled to see Sun. I continue to walk with a grim determination as if I haven't heard her at all.

"We'll reach the sub quicker if we don't waste time to talk," I say. After a few yards I pause and turn around.

"Well? Aren't you coming?" Sun nods and bites her lip. I smile to myself, secretly glad for the company. After a few minutes of silence Sun speaks up.

"When I was with Richard and Ben, we stayed at our old camp by the beach. Everything was mostly in ruin since no one had been there in so long. You didn't go back there did you Claire? After you went with Locke?" She looks at me with an emotion I can't quite place. Pity? Sorrow? There's enough kindness there for me to decide to tell the truth.

"Once. It was too painful. Too many memories. Of Aaron. Of everyone who had left." _And of_ _Charlie_, I think but can't bring myself to say.

"I was looking around…And well…Aaron's crib was still there," She smiles. A real smile. She finally decides what she needs to tell me isn't something she has the words for.

"Here," She takes a silver ring out of her pocket and presses into my hand. I freeze. I remember something buried in the back of my mind, layered so deep in memories that I'm afraid to remember. I'm scared because if I do remember the past, I know the present will be so much worse. But suddenly I'm falling back in time…

_I've known Charlie a week. The sun's shining. I can still see bits of fuselage dotting the beach like broken dishes. Charlie's strumming the guitar and I'm watching him when a thought occurs to me._

"_You never take it off," I say._

"_Take what off?" He says as he reaches for the notebook in front of him and writes something down. I roll my eyes at the oblivious musician beside me._

"_Your ring. Whatever you do. I mean you act like it's a wedding ring. You never take it off even if you're trying to fish, or climbing trees looking for mangos like you did yesterday." He grimaces slightly as I remind him of his ill-fated attempt to get me fruit. He absentmindedly rubs a bruise on his knee, and I feel a little bad for laughing as hard as I did. A little._

"_But seriously, Charlie," I say even more curious now that he hasn't said anything. Charlie looks up at me from his mango filled reverie. He grins._

"_Claire. The man ring is a time honored tradition of being a rock god. Just because I'm stuck on an island doesn't mean I can start slacking. What would all my friends say back home?" I smile too in spite of myself ._

"_Charlie, you always try to be funny when you don't want to talk about something. You could have just said it was personal. Look," I stand up, "Kate needs help sorting through the luggage. I'll just-" before I can waddle away he stands up and blurts something so fast I don't catch it at first._

"_What? Charlie just slow down," I say. He hesitates and clings to his guitar the way a small child clings to a stuffed animal like it's a lifeline._

"_I said…It was my brother's. It wasn't supposed to be mine. Not really. He said it was better if it was mine. To pass down to my son some said I wouldn't be a screw up like he was." He gives a bitter laugh and looks out at the ocean._

"_Now look where I am. In the middle of the ocean. Nowhere. Stranded on a sodding island." I can tell that's not the full reason why, but I don't think of pushing it._

"_You know, you didn't have to tell me that," I say gently. He smiles in relief. He looks into my eyes._

"_No, I did," He says to me._

The memory fades and I can feel the tears starting to come. It's the first time since I read Charlie's letter that I've cried over his death. Has it really been 3 years? When Hurley first told me I was in shock. Slowly, slowly, I could feel the reality of it all sucking me in like quicksand. He couldn't be dead.

We were going to get off the island, move in together…even raise Aaron. Aaron. For him I was strong. I had looked into his eyes and I realized why he was crying. It somehow had broken the rest of my heart. Even though he was too young to remember what I acted like, I made sure he wouldn't.

I completely forgot about Charlie. When Desmond gave me the letter I gave him a numb nod but I never read it. When Kate asked how I was, I did my best to say that I was fine. I couldn't remember him. I just couldn't. I wanted to stay strong for my son and this was the only way I could do it. Even after Kate had taken Aaron away I couldn't bring myself to remember him.

Then one day a year ago, I couldn't do it. I couldn't pretend anymore. I was too lonely. I was tired. Of being alone, of the island, of missing Aaron. Of missing Charlie. I found a secluded place, not far from our old camp, where no one could hear me cry. I had taken out the letter from my pants pocket. I could hardly make out the words, but on the 4th try I read the last sentence.

_The night I met you…_

I'm full on sobbing now. I hadn't let myself really cry until now. The hopelessness seems to trap me, cage me in. I barely register Sun's arm around me.

_To pass down to my son some day… _

"You found this in Aaron's crib?" I ask.

"Yes. Charlie probably left it there." Sun looks at me with so much concern I can't bare to tell her she's not quite right. Still…He must've known he was going to die. That's why made the list, gave me the ring. Told me not to worry.

"If it's okay, I'd like to walk by myself for awhile, " I manage to say. Sun understands. After a few yards, she comes back into view.

"He loved you," She says. I smile. A real smile. For the first time in a long time.

"I know." I say. I knew from the very first time he looked at me. That's the one thing I'll never hate the island for. It took away him, it took away my son, it made me what I am now. But it gave me Charlie. It gave me hope.

You see that sexy blue button? You know what to do


End file.
